i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
