we have pet lesbian snakes
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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