I think my vagina is haunted
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
