I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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