Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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