The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
i think i just lost a toe
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
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