Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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