Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
