I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
