she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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