oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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