my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
