oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
