I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
