I look better un-naked...
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
