wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
