I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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