It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
