i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Randomize
