I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I have already put on my inside pants.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
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