Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
