what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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