Grow some girl-balls and come out already
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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