Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
