Please, let me fuck your mom
please come you make the beer taste better
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
