we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
