so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
