i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Randomize
