That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I did not marry a roomba.
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