you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
