You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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