i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Moan for me like Helen Keller
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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