This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
