1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Randomize