we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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