I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
