There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
