70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
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