It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
