come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
