whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Randomize
