I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
