can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
