the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize