yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
