Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
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