so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Randomize
