Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
