plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Randomize
