Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
