Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
