Soap is not a condiment
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Randomize
