sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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