I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Randomize