I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Randomize
