I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
