I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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