i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize
