How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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