I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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