she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
