I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize