Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
