I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize