I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
