remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
