butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
I think my vagina is haunted
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
