nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
