dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
