This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
