It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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