she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
