Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
