The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
